Marvel High
by SpideyFan914
Summary: A comedic story in which various Marvel meta-humans go to High School. Who will get a higher grade on the physics test: Richards or Doom? Rated T just in case, but probably not that bad.
1. Period 1, Day 1

Hey, all! SpideyFan914 here to bring you an all-new outlook on the Marvel Universe: Marvel High! What happens when all the meta-humans of the Marvel Universe go to high school? Well, it's gonna be a pretty wild and hilarious roller-coaster from here on in. Read and review! I've already got the entire thing written, so it should be up within seconds!

---

Period 1

_Hello and welcome to Marvel High._

_My name is Professor Charles Xavier and I am the Principal here at the school. I was sick of the constant fighting between all the superhumans littering the earth, which is why I founded this school for all of them, whether they be mutants, scientific accidents, androids, cosmic entities, or simply well-trained men and women. But it doesn't always work out. I once caught Magneto giving Kurt a swirly._

_But one of the most notable incidents was that of the first physics test which I gave in the first week of school..._

---

"_Reed and Sue sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!_" Victor Von Doom was singing.

"Knock it off, Doom," Ben Grimm demanded, "or else I'll clobber ya!"

"Watch out, guys!" Peter Parker, Spider-Man, shouted out. "My spider-sense is tingling - the teach is coming!"

Everyone quickly scrambled into their seats as Professor Xavier wheeled in.

"Hello, everyone. I am Professor Xavier, your physics teacher."

"I thought that you were the principal! How dare you deceive I, God of Thunder!" Thor boomed.

"I'm that too," Xavier explained. "Now then, attendance. Banner, Bruce? Bruce, get your finger out of your nose!" (Note to reader: Bruce Banner is NOT in Hulk form... yet...)

"Castle, Frank – oh please, Punisher, how many times must I tell you, NO GUNS IN SCHOOL! Especially not it you're going to point them at Mr. Fisk.

"Doom, Victor. Doom, no hats."

"It's a mask!" Doom bellowed. "And Doom shall not take it off!"

"Why not?"

"Because Doom is ugly."

"Low self-esteem, I see. I suggest seeing your guidance counselor on that one.

"Drake, Bobby. Whoa, is it cold in here? I thought it was September...

"Fisk, Wilson. Mr. Fisk, who are those people sitting around you?"

"They're my bodyguards."

"Well, they need to apply to get in.

"Galactus, stand no more. Your seat is in the back and it was designed just for you.

"Grimm, Ben. Ben, stop breaking your pencils.

"Kreed, Victor. I might want to warn you Wolverine's looking for you, Sabretooth.

"Lensherr, Eric. Hello, old friend. How are things?"

"What is it with you and schools, Charles?"

"Well, you _need_ a good education, don't you?

"Maximoff, Pietro? Maximoff, Pietro?" Just then, Quicksilver zoomed in.

"Sorry I'm late, Professor!"

"How can _you_ be late? _You're Quicksilver!_"

"My alarm broke."

"Sure, and Wanda ate your homework, right?"

"Actually, that was Vermin."

"Sit down!

"Odinson, Thor?"

"Aye," Thor replied. "I must complain that I could not find the bus stop at Bifrost Bridge."

"Well, Thor, I must apologize, but we couldn't get any interdimensional bus drivers.

"Osborne, Norman. Goblin, if I see that those pumpkin bombs one more time, I am confiscating them!

"Parker, Peter. Spidey, get off the ceiling and sit in your seat!

"Richards, Ree– are those bunny ear- Doom!

"Richards, Susan. Sue? Are you here? Oh, there you are. Please don't turn invisible again.

"Rogers, Steve. Look, I don't care what the shield stands for, Captain America, _no weapons means no weapons!_

"Schmidt, Johann. Seriously, I thought that High School was for teenagers.

"Shade, Victor. Vision, please stop phasing through your desk – you're scaring the other students.

"Stark, Tony. Iron Man, stop playing with Parker's mask – it isn't polite!

"Storm, Johnny. FLAME OFF! FLAME OFF! FLAME OFF BEFORE YOU BURN THE SCHOOL TO A CRISP! Thank you.

"Wagner, Kurt. Wow, are you Nightcrawler? Man, I'm actually meeting Nightcrawler! I mean, _WOW_! _Nightcrawler!_ For real? You're, like famous!"

"Oh, and who am I?" Galactus mumbled to himself. "Chopped liver?"

"Class," Professor Xavier announced, "you will have your first test tomorrow."

"Great! I will pass with flying colors!" Thor declared. "A test of strength is simple for the God of Thunder!"

"It's not a test of strength, Thor," Xavier explained, "but a test on physics. _Advanced _physics."

"What?" Red Skull questioned. "But it's the first day of school!"

"Yes, well, most of you are grown men, so you should already know all of this. Anyway, there are two bonus questions for up to ten points extra credit."

And then, the bell rang.

"Class dismissed."


	2. Period 2, Day 1

Period 2

_RRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!_

"Hello, class!" said a high-pitched, robotic voice. "I am your Math teacher, Ultron!"

"Objection!" Vision shouted out.

"What's wrong, Shade?" Spider-Man asked. "The dude's a robot! I bet he's a Math genius!"

"But his program says only to kill! He created _me_!"

"So, he both creates _and _destroys?" Banner wondered. "Interesting..."

"I created Vision to destroy, but he doesn't listen to me!" Ultron explained. "But, come to think of it, I now have the ultimate timing! BEWARE!" Suddenly, Ultron blasted Vision.

"Vision!" Captain America screamed. "No!"

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it, Steve," Thing assured him. "This is _Marvel_! _Everyone _returns from the dead in _Marvel_!"

"Now then," Ultron screeched, "who can tell me the square root of 822,756?" (PS: That's a No-Prize! Give answers in radicals.)


	3. Period 3, Day 1

Period 3

"We have a _blind coach_?" Iceman mused.

"Yes, why?" Matt Murdock, blind defense attorney and Daredevil, responded. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Nope, none at all."

"Good, then in that case, everyone choose a partner your size to spot you while climbing the wall."

"THIS IS PREJUDICE!" Galactus boomed.

"Don't worry, Galactus. I got Hank Pym to come in just to spot you."

Soon, Banner was paired with Nightcrawler, Punisher was paired with Spider-Man, Iceman was paired with Human Torch, Kingpin was paired with Sabretooth, Thing was paired with Thor, Magneto was paired with Red Skull, Green Goblin was paired with Doctor Doom, Mister Fantastic was paired with Invisible Woman, Captain America was paired with Iron Man, and Quicksilver was paired with Daredevil.

"Okay, you will be climbing _that _wall." Daredevil pointed to an enormous wall which was easily recognized as a side of the Empire State Building.

"Can't we just fly?" Iron Man asked.

"_No cheating!_ First one to the top wins!"

Galactus was the first to start, but his entire side of the building tore off and Pym needed to catch him.

Then the rest of the class jumped on.

"So I cheat a little..." Nightcrawler thought as he poofed ahead. "A blind man won't -"

"Kurt, you're disqualified," Daredevil said.

"How did he know that?"

Meanwhile, Thor was slipping. "Ledge-less metal! How dare you defy the God of Thunder!" He then took his hammer and slammed into a first-floor window.

"Odinson! That costs money!" Daredevil shouted, as he caught Quicksilver, who was hit by and angry worker inside the building.

Magneto, however, managed to bend the metal in ledges and even trip Sabretooth and Captain America. Spidey crawled up and Iceman formed a ladder. Doom and Reed, meanwhile, used toilet plungers.

"So, Reed, Doom bets you're real worried about that test..."

"Are you kidding me? It'll be a cinch!"

"Oh yeah?" Doom replied. "Wanna bet?"

"All right then! Lower grade becomes the other one's monkey-boy for one week. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Okay, Doom," Reed said, "then let's shake on it." Doom held out his hand, but then lost his balance and fell. "Sucker!"

"So, Babe," Osborne was saying, "Howsabout you leave that Reed guy and come with -" Suddenly, Doom fell on top of him.

"Never thought I'd be so glad to see Doom..." Sue said, rolling her eyes.

Just as Iceman reached out for the next ice-step, the metal jutted out and knocked him over. Reed's plungers popped on a sharp piece of metal.

"Nice job, Magneto!" Red Skull said. "What about that Spidery Guy?"

"Spider-Man? Oh, it doesn't matter! I'm almost to the top, anyway."

"_I don't matter?_ Why, Eric, I'm insulted!" Magneto looked up to see Spider-Man perched on top.

"How did you do that?"

"What part of _'does what a spider can'_ don't you understand?" Spidey snapped back.

"The winner," Daredevil declared, "is Peter Parker!"


	4. Period 4, Day 1

Period 4

"Say, does anyone know who the teacher is here?" Kurt asked.

"The schedule said 'Howlett, J'," Fisk responded.

"Oh no," Iceman said, "that's _Wolverine_!"

"Wolverine?" Spider-Man snorted. "But he slices and dices! This is _Health_!"

"Wolverine..." Sabretooth snarled as Logan entered the classroom.

"Sabretooth..." James Howlett, or Logan, or Wolverine, or whatever the reader feels like calling him, snarled back. "I've always wanted to say this, Sabretooth... _Detention! _See me after school!"

"Um, I don't mean to be rude," Nightcrawler said, "but you aren't exactly an orthodox health teacher."

"What're you talking about? Health is all about knowing the body! And to slice and dice, I gotta know the body, Bub. Plus, I got me a healing factor. So stop questioning your teacher, Elf! Now, will you turn to page 203 in your textbooks, please?"

"But, Wolverine," Banner began.

"I said, turn to page 203, Bub."

"But, Logan, there _is _no page 203 – the book is only 202 pages!" Captain America explained.

"Exactly!" Wolverine explained. "These books have limits! They only teach you some stuff! To survive, you need to be able to keep learning and – Wait a minute... Only 202 pages? Man, these books are ! Everyone, I want you to pop your claws and destroy these pieces of !"

"Um, Wolverine... We don't _have_ claws..." Iron Man said.

"Really? Wow, Bub, that armor must stink..."


	5. Period 5, Day 1

Period 5

"May I have a Sloppy Joe and some chocolate milk?" Captain America said and the lunch lady gave him his food.

"I'll take mine raw," Sabretooth declared as a few other students threw up in the background.

"I'd like to order a steak – well done, please," Human Torch demanded.

"Do you serve Venus?" Galactus asked. The lunch lady looked at him, peculiarly, but the other lunch lady, Frankie Raye stepped in.

"Don't worry, Big Guy," she said, "Xavier had us cook up this dish just for you." And she put a large sphere onto Galactus' plate.

"That man scares me," Magneto declared. Doom, Green Goblin, Kingpin, Red Skull, Sabretooth, and Magneto were sitting at their table.

"Don't worry 'bout him," Goblin laughed. "He only eats _planets_, not _people_!"

"Doom is fine with him just so long as he doesn't go after the Earth," Doom stated.

"But guys," Magneto moaned, "tomorrow it'll be Mars, then Saturn, then Neptune, then Jupiter, and what happens when he runs out of planets?"

"Hadn't thought of that," Sabretooth admitted.

"Of course you didn't," Kingpin said, "you're a primitive buffoon."

"Listen," Red Skull said, "as long as goody-goody Chuckie stays principal here, Galactus will only eat barren planets, so don't worry!"

"I concur, Johann," Doom agreed. "Besides, Doom must speak with you about something much more urgent."

"What might that be, Doom?" Magneto inquired.

"We all hate those heroes over there, right?"

"Spider-Man is the worst of them all!" Green Goblin bellowed.

"Are you crazy?" Red Skull complained. "It's Captain America, by far!"

"I still hate those X-Geeks," Sabretooth decided.

"I'm with Goblin," Kingpin declared. "But I'd also love to cremate our P.E. teacher."

"Well," Doom explained, "now is our chance to make one of them our monkey-boy for a week – Reed Richards!" The villains hollered in agreement. "All we must do is be sure that I, Victor Von Doom, achieve a higher grade than he on tomorrow's physics exam."

"No problem," Kingpin smirked. "If we work together, we can easily steal the test answers, so that you can look at them tomorrow."

"No way," Magneto said, "Xavier has a keen mind. He would catch Doom if he brings them into class! But, Doom can always study off of them. I'm betting he could get somewhere around a 105 like that!"

"Good idea, Magneto," Green Goblin laughed.

"Okay then, we'll meet in the parking lot at 3:05 PM!" Doom decided.

"But I got detention!" Sabretooth moaned.

"No problem, Sabretooth," Red Skull said. "The five of us can still prove supreme!"

"Then it's settled. 3:05 in the parking lot."

"With or without ammunition?"

"That is up to your personal preference."


	6. Period 6, Day 1

Period 6

"Greeting, students. I am your History teacher, Uatu, the Watcher," Uatu orated. "Being the Watcher, I have observed all the happenings of the universe and -"

"But Watchey," Thing said, "I thought that ya had a vow of non-interference: to only observe and never interfere."

"Yes, well, you can just imagine how dull and boring that is!" Watcher shouted out. "I mean – ugh! – it is so annoying! It's like watching a really long movie where something only happens every here and there! It is booooring! Why can't it be a video game? Why a movie?"

"Okay, okay," Spider-Man said, "take deep breaths! In, out, in, out, in, out!"

"Sorry about that, class," Uatu said. "I just... got out of control."

"Are you seeing a psychologist?" Green Goblin asked,

"Yes, actually," Watcher said. "But the question, Norman, is: Are you?"

"No, it's too expensive," Goblin replied. "Now that I'm in school, I only time for a part-time job at a local pizza joint."

"I see," Uatu said. "Well, I believe that Xavier is going to start group-therapy after school sometime next week. Will I see you there?"

"No, I looked at the meeting info and it conflicts with me job."

"You're just avoiding it, aren't you?"

"Basically!"

"Um, Uatu," Iron Man interrupted, "are we going to start the class or not?"

"Mr. Stark!" Uatu jeered. "You're a billionaire! Can't you pay for Norman's therapy?"

"No!" Iron Man and Green Goblin answered simultaneously.

"Oh, err, well then, anyway," Uatu resumed, "I will now pass out your schedules. Please have all of the supplies in by tomorrow along with a receipt."

"Why a receipt?" Kingpin asked.

"So that I know it isn't stolen, Mr. Fisk."


	7. Period 7, Day 1

Period 7

The class of 20 (21 – Vision) walked into their Period 7 classroom, English. The room was huge and dimly lit. It looked like a kind of mystical library. All was explained when Doctor Strange entered the room.

"Welcome, class," he said.

"Well, at least he's not the physics teacher..." Spider-Man thought out loud.

"Mr. Parker! Don't insult your teacher!"

"Oh, did I say that out loud?"

"Anyway," Dr. Strange declared, "it is time for us to read _Tom Sawyer_, an excellent book by Mark Twain. I will now mystically pass these out to you." And so, Doctor Strange held up his hand and waved away the _Tom Sawyer_ books to the class.

"Say, where is Mr. Shade?" Strange asked as he spotted the empty seat.

"Ultron killed him," Banner explained, "but Thing predicted that he'll return since this is Marvel."

"Oh, why thank you, Mr. Banner," Strange said politely. "Wait a minute... There is something strange about you."

"That's 'cause I'm the Hulk."

"Ha, ha," Strange said, sarcastically, "very funny."

"No, seriously," Banner repeated. "I really _am _the Hulk."

"Wait," Strange said, "I will use the all-seeing Eye of Agamotto." And then, he waved and gasped. "Oh my! The Eye of Agamotto is showing me a great horror in your future!"

"Duh, I'm the Hulk!"

"Banner, beware!"

Meanwhile, across the room, Reed, Sue, Ben, Johnny, Peter, Steve, Tony, and basically everyone else were speaking with each other.

"So, if we want Doom to be our monkey-boy, I gotta get a high grade on this test."

"Well, I bet that Doom'll cheat," Frank Castle, the Punisher, said.

"Please don't tell me you wanna even the score," Spider-Man moaned.

"Why not? The villains are cheating; why can't we?"

"Forget it!" Thing said. "Reed'll be able to get 110 without cheatin'! He's a genius!"

"I'm not so sure, Ben," Mister Fantastic replied. "The bonus questions are bound to be hard."

"Perhaps you should ask your guidance counselor for help," Captain America suggested.

"Who is your guidance counselor, Reed?" Invisible Woman wondered.

"Mephisto," Reed responded. "Think he'll be a good one?"

"Beats me," Iron Man said. "I didn't get him, so I didn't bother looking him up on RateMyTeachers."

"Well, anything's worth the shot," Kurt decided.

"Okay, guys," Reed said. "I'll go see him after school at 2:20 PM. Thanks for the help!"


	8. Period 8, Day 1

Period 8

"Hello, class! I'm your art teacher, Cletus Cassidy," said the red-haired teacher.

"Cassidy, Cassidy," Spider-Man thought to himself, "why does that name seem so familiar...?"

"Hast thou any experience?" Thor pondered.

"Why, of course I do, Mr. Odinson," Mr. Cassidy replied. "In fact, I once painted the whole city red... blood-red..."

"That's pretty impressive!"

"Thank you, Osborne. Anyway, time to give you all a little demonstration! First, I need a volunteer! How about you, Mrs. Richards?" Sue shrugged and stepped up.

"Now, usually, art is naked. Sue, if you will -"

"WHAT? No way! You're sick!" Sue snapped.

"Yes," Cassidy chuckled, "that's what Captain DeWolfe said, too... But Xavier hired me! Now, do as your teacher has instructed you..."

"Did you know that I can create a force field inside of your body and expand it until it explodes."

"Th-that won't be necessary. I love carnage, but not when I'm in it," Cassidy retorted. "Anyway, let's just move on to the next part of the demonstration. Art never has a head!" And on that note, a red Symbiote engulfed Cassidy, revealing him to be the legendary Carnage as he sliced off Sue's head!

"Aha!" Spidey shouted out. "I knew it! You're Venom!"

"Sue!" Reed cried out.

"Don't worry, Reed," Thing said, patting his friend on the back. "Remember – this is MARVEL! You'll be seeing her again soon enough..."


	9. After School, Day 1

After School

"Hello, is Mr. Satan around," Reed Richards asked the secretary of the guidance office, "Mrs..."

"Mrs. Nothingtodowithmarvelcomicsinanywaywhatsoever. Yeah, Satan's in. The room on the left."

Reed stepped into the devil's office and sat down in a flaming chair.

"What is the problem, my disciple," Mephisto asked.

"Well, you see, I need to get high grade on tomorrow's physics test – more specifically better than Doctor Doom's."

"Ah, you made a gamble. I like that. Well, how about another gamble."

"What do you mean?" Reed wondered.

"I'll make sure that you get a high grade on tomorrow's exam," Mephisto explained as he got up and slowly walked towards Reed. "All I ask in exchange is _your soul_."

"Okay."

"Great." Mephisto pulled out a contract. "Sign here," he ordered. Reed took out a pen and leaned toward the paper. But, as he held onto it, he got a paper cut which dripped onto the contract.

"That'll do." And then, Mephisto snapped his fingers and the contract disappeared into flames. "Tomorrow, your grades will be 105!"

"But there're _two_ bonus questions! I want a 110!"

"Oh, now you're asking too much!"

"Fine!" Reed shouted. "105 it is." And then, he left the room with a smile.

Outside the guidance office he ran into Doom.

"I'm gonna get 105, Doom! Beat that!" And then, Reed slipped out the window, leaving Doom dumb-founded. But, quickly shaking it off, he proceeded outside to where he met with the Green Goblin, Magneto, Kingpin, and the Red Skull.

"All right, men, listen up," Doom said. "First of all – Fisk, did you get those textbooks the Watcher asked of us?"

"Right here, Doom. My men even managed to steal the receipts."

"Excellent! Pass them out. Now then, men, here's the mission briefing. We are to storm the high school and snatch the test answers." Doom pulled out a map and laid it on the asphalt. "Currently, we are here," he pointed a space just outside the walls of the drawing, "in the parking lot. We will enter through these doors," Doom moved his finger to show their villainous route, "up these stairs, down this corridor, make a left, go all the way down here, and it's the last doors on the right. Up until this point, we need to act casual. When we reach those final doors, we will also want to be sure that the janitor, Pyro, isn't around or else we'll be busted! Anyway, Magneto, will you be able to deactivate the alarms?"

"Aye, Doom."

"Good. We want to enter quickly and silently. Be warned, though, that Silver Sable and her Wild Pack are guarding the test answers. It will be the fight of the century. She may even notify Xavier. Therefore, when we're done, it's casual off! We will have to swiftly move out of the window and to the ground. Goblin, will your glider support all five of us?"

"Not Kingpin, Doom!" Goblin laughed. "The guy weighs a ton!"

"Why, you -"

"Cool it, Fisk," the Red Skull declared. "The last thing we need is to fight amongst ourselves. Besides, I'm sure that you can survive the drop of one story, Wilson."

"Excellent," Doom concluded. "Then, we'll just hop the fence. Magneto can help here." Doom rolled up the map. "But do know, men, that we are about to embark on a dangerous mission. Some of you may not come back alive."

"Yeah, well, this ain't D.C., Doom," Thing said, "we die and we get resurrected a few issues later."

"Thing? Where did you come from? This is villains-only!"

"Oh, sorry, Vic," Thing apologized. "I'll be on my way, now..." And, after making sure that Thing was gone, they proceeded.

"Let's move!"

And so, the five-some waltzed through the school. While passing Pyro, they resumed their lunchtime argument as to which hero is the worst of all, finally concluding on Frog-Man as Pyro climbed a staircase. When they reached the office which Doom had briefed on, Magneto did his first job and shut off the alarms. Then, the five charged in swiftly to see Silver Sable. The entire Wild Pack lifted their guns towards the five.

"Stand back," Magneto ordered, as he used his metal-controlling abilities to turn the guns towards their own and load them. The Green Goblin, meanwhile, lifted a pumpkin bomb, pointing it at Silver Sable.

"We're not paid enough for this," Sable spitted out. "You want the test answers? They're right here! Take them! They're yours!" Doom snatched the test answers as Kingpin leapt out the window. Goblin's glider arrived just outside and he, Doom, and Magneto stepped on.

"Red Skull!" Doom shouted back. "What is taking you so long?"

"What? I'm thanking Sable for being such a help!"

"GET OVER HERE!"

"Coming!"

Red Skull dashed onto the glider, which lowered to the ground.

"Nazi scum," Sable snorted. "Men, prepare to open fire! Aim for the Red Skull!"

"Um, Miss Sablinovia, we have a slight problem... You see, the guns are still pointed at us..."

"Curse you, Magneto!!!!!!!"


	10. Period 1, Day 2

Period 1

_Obviously, these are some pretty startling developments: let's recap, shall we? After I assigned the physics test, Richards and Doom, otherwise known as Mr. Fantastic and... still Doom, placed a wager on whoever would get the higher grade. Loser becomes the other's monkey-boy for a week. Reed went to see his guidance counselor, Mephisto – now you may be wondering why I hired him, so let me tell you something: that devil is known as the Prince of Deception for a good reason! – and sold his soul in exchange for a nearly perfect test score. Doom, on the other hand, broke into the school and stole the answer sheet. Now, he will try to memorize the answers in order to get a nearly perfect test score himself. Looks like a tie to me! And, to finish it up, Galactus ate Venus! But there are still many startling revelations to come. So, let us begin Day 2. Bum bum bummmmmm!_

---

"Good morning, class."

"Good morning, Professor Xavier."

"As you know, today is our Physics Exam. But first, let me introduce to someone. You may have heard of Senator Kelly. Well, he has recently been promoted to a school inspector. How this is a _pro_motion, don't ask me: I'm a physics teacher, not a rocket scientist. But anyway, heeeeeeeere's Inspector Kelly!" Applause erupted through the classroom as Inspector Kelly walked in and took a seat.

"Now, I want you all to be good for the next two days or else Inspector Kelly will tear down our school for good! Now then, Kurt, will you please pass out the tests?" Kurt Wagner, Nightcrawler, then began teleporting around the room, handing out tests.

BAMF! One for Spider-Man.

BAMF! One for Iceman.

BAMF! One for Kingpin.

BAMF! One for Mr. Fantastic.

"Good luck, mien freud," Nightcrawler whispered to Mr. Fantastic.

BAMF! One for Dr. Doom.

"I hate you, mien freud," Nightcrawler whispered to Dr. Doom.

BAMF! One for Punisher.

BAMF! One for Red Skull.

BAMF! One for Captain America.

BAMF! One for Iron Man.

BAMF! One for Galactus.

BAMF! One for Bruce Banner.

BAMF! One for Magneto.

BAMF! One for Thing.

BAMF! One for Thor.

BAMF! One for Green Goblin.

BAMF! One for Human Torch.

BAMF! One for Sabretooth.

BAMF! One for Quicksilver.

BAMF! One for himself.

"Let the test begin!"


	11. Period 2, Day 2

Period 2

"Everyone," Ultron screeched, "take your seats. And don't worry. I promise not to kill anyone today! Not while Inspector Kelly is around! So instead, let's learn proofs!"

Ultron pulled out Vision's body.

"Okay, people and aliens and gods and mutants and – OH, YOU GET THE POINT! – prove that he's dead." For a few seconds, no one came up.

"How about you, Thing?"

"Ultron," Thing replied, "this is Marvel, okay. Get over it. The android's alive."


	12. Period 3, Day 2

Period 3

"Okay, everyone," Daredevil declared, "that was great work yesterday! Today, we'll be playing soccer! To make the teams easy, let's do simple boys against girls. All right, everyone, let's split up!"

Immediately, everyone in the gymnasium rolled their eyes as Reed, Thing, Torch, Spidey, Punisher, Captain America, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Quicksilver, Thor and Banner went to one side, while Doom, Goblin, Magneto, Kingpin, Red Skull, Sabretooth, Iron Man, and Galactus went to the other.

"Hey, what gives!" Matt Murdock complained. "I smell male hormones on both sides of the field!"

"D.D.," Spidey explained, "the only girl in our class was killed by Venom, yesterday."

"Oh, okay," Daredevil responded. "Never mind, then. Well, to make the teams almost even, I'll go help out Doom's team."

"_Doom_'s team, Murdock?" Kingpin bellowed. "Don't you mean _my_ team?"

"No, no, I don't."

"Oh, okay. I'll try to resist killing you only because you're my teammate, unfortunately."

"Why, thank you, Fisk," Daredevil replied. "I greatly appreciate it."


	13. Period 4, Day 2

Period 4

"Okay, ya' girlies. It's time to learn about the body inside an' out. Sabretooth, get up here."

Kreed snarled as he approached Wolverine.

"Today, we will be _bisecting!_" Suddenly, Wolverine popped his claws and slit Sabretooth right down the center.

"You _killed_ him!" Peter gaped.

"Don't worry, bug," Logan smirked. "It's like the Thing always says – this is Marvel comics, Bub! Or else, I would've thought twice... but probably still would've come down to the same result! Oh, and, err, do me a favor by not tellin' the Professor, will ya?"

"Our lips are sealed," Punisher said.


	14. Period 5, Day 2

Period 5

"I'll take some holy water," Nightcrawler ordered.

"Gimme the usual cheeseburger," Thing wanted.

"What's on the menu for me, today?" Galactus asked.

"Pluto," said the seemingly normal lunch lady.

"PLUTO'S NOT A PLANET!!!!" Galactus burst pure energy out of his eyes at the lunch lady, who back-flipped and morphed into – drum-roll please – Mystique! Mystique launched herself at Galactus, who grabbed her in his hand and crushed her to dust.

"He killed my mother!" Nightcrawler shouted out from his table.

"Don't worry, blue boy," Thing replied. "Again, remember that this is Marvel?"

"It's not that!" Nightcrawler explained. "It's that I lost my appetite!"

"H-here," Frankie Raye stammered to Galactus, "take Uranus!"

"My... what?" Galactus pondered.

"It's a planet!" she added in quickly.

"ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY SIZE!?!" On that note, he incinerated Frankie Raye.

"Okay," Thing thought out loud, "_now_ this is getting outta hand!"

"Free food!" Kingpin shouted as everyone cheered and raced for it.


	15. Period 6, Day 2

Period 6

"All right, class, take your seats," Uatu droned. "Now then, today, we will be learning of the Kree-Skrull War.

"The Skrulls were already an advanced, benevolent race ten million years ago when they first left galaxy, hoping to build an intergalactic federation based on trade. Once on the planet Hala, they encountered two other advanced civlizations, and – Yes, Ben, I should've known you'd have a question..."

"Not really, Sir," the Thing replied, lowering his hand. "It's just, um, this is _World_ History, not Intergalactic History..."

There was a few moments silence as this information sunk in.

"I do not understand, Mr. Grimm," Uatu finally responded. "Anyway, the two races were the Kree, a humanoid peoples far beyond your lowly level of intelligence, and the Cotati, a race of sentient plants..."


	16. Period 7, Day 2

Period 7

The single file walked into Doctor Strange's mystical library.

"Don't touch!" Strange shouted out to Iceman, who was about to grab the Eye of Agamotto and see what it does. "Now then, please remove your books and open to page 1!"

"That's the Table of Contents," Banner said.

"Well, that's the best, Mr. Banner. By the way, have you taken any steps to prevent your horrid future?"

"Um, well, upon analysis of my DNA after that gamma radiation explosion, I discovered that, under stress, I may mutate into a creature with enhanced physical capabilities and a very small brain which acts purely on instinct."

"Hmm," Doctor Strange thought out loud, "I see... Of course, your latin is difficult, so I can't figure out exactly what you're trying to say..."

"It's not latin, it's science..."

"Oh, please!" Goblin shouted out. "He's the Hu-"

"But," Doc Strange interrupted, "it sounds a little like the Hulk..."

"IT IS THE HULK!!!! I'M THE HULK, ALREADY!!!! I'M THE HULK! I'M THE HULK! I'M THE HULK! _I'M THE HULK!!!!!!!!!!!!_"

"An interesting theory, but highly unlikely," Doctor Strange responds. "When did you say you made these observations again?"

"Nearly a decade ago!"

"Ha! That's funny! But, I only told you of your grave danger just yesterday, so -"

"Look," Bruce grumbled, "can we learn Tom Sawyer, already?"

"Fine! But if you are infected by a magical force beyond your 'science', then don't come crying to me!"


	17. Period 8, Day 2

Period 8

When the class entered their Art classroom, they found no trace of Cletus Cassidy, Carnage (or, as Spider-Man believes, Venom).

"Hey, where's my old arch-enemy?" Spidey wondered.

"He's your current arch-enemy," Reed reminded him.

"Naa, he got cancer and auctioned his symbiote to some random dude. He's my _old_ arch-enemy, all right?"

"No, you're thinking of Venom."

"This _is_ Venom."

"No, it's – Oh, never mind!" Reed was now quite frustrated.

Just then, Professor X's voice boomed inside of their heads.

_This morning, Carnage walked in dripping blood on the floor. Pyro, the school janitor, was annoyed for he just cleaned the halls and killed your teacher. Therefore, Art classes are cancelled until Carnage comes back from the dead._

"Well," Thor reckoned, "guess the teach was _literally_ fired! Ha! Get it, 'cause Pyro used fire to kill him? Get it – it's funny! See – I, Thor, God of Thunder, Son of Odin, can be humorous, too!"

Inspector Kelly sighed, jotting down more notes.


	18. After School, Day 2

After School

There was a knock on Xavier's door.

"Come in, Mr. Kelly."

"All right," Kelly said, entering Xavier's office, "seriously, did you _have_ to read my mind?"

"I was just directing young Miss Pryde in the Danger Room. Please hold on a second while I put the razor-sharp blades on delay."

"Danger Room? Razor-sharp blades? Wait a minute – _In?_ You have someone _in_ a place called -"

"Oh, it's more of just a nostalgic output, Inspector," Professor X explained. "No one ever dies in the Danger Room. Broken bones? Yes. Head injuries? Yes. Vegetative state? Yes. Wishes for death? Yes. But actual death? No way – that would be far too merciful."

"Xavier, we have a problem." Xavier chuckled. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that the way you said that, it sounded like you were an astronaut. You know, as in 'Houston, we have a problem...' Just – just go on."

"Well, you see, Xavier, I have noticed that in just these past two days alone, six people at your school have died, three of whom have been students."

"Well, it is Marvel," the professor declared, "and in Marvel -"

"That's Thing's line, Mr. Xavier."

"Hey! Nobody calls me _Mister_!" Xavier yelled, eyes narrowing.

"The problem, _Mister_ Xavier," Inspector Kelly smirked, "is that all these people are dying and you didn't even take attendance!"

Silence.

"Um... Oops..." Xavier finally responded.

"Remember the attendance, Mr. Xavier! It is vital!" Inspector Kelly bellowed, and then stormed out.


	19. HULK SMASH!

HULK SMASH!

_Now, for our grand finale! I shall hand back the tests, but I must first remember to take attendance!_

"All right, class, settle down," Xavier declares the next morning, "first we must... um... hold on... there was something of dire importance which will determine the fate of our entire school...

"Oh, well, I shall now hand back your tests. Quicksilver?" Pietro races around the classroom at lightning-fast speeds, handing back the entire class' papers in a matter of seconds. Meanwhile, Inspector Kelly shakes his head in the back of the room.

"Okay, Doom," Reed says, "on the count of three, we'll open our papers up and see what we got. Of course, I already know what _I_ got!"

"Yes, yes, you told Doom. But, _Doom_ could have done better." A crowd is now forming around the two rivals and counting down.

"Three," shouts Nightcrawler.

"Two," shouts the Green Goblin.

"One," shouts Thor.

"And ze-" Fisk begins, but just then, Banner begins shouting out.

"_A forty-three? How the did I get a $!& forty-three?_"

"Oh, why it's quite simple, Bruce," Xavier explains, wheeling up and looking at the man's paper. "Right over... here! See, you misspelled the word 'nuclear'. You wrote 'nucular'."

"_What? How dare you insult my s__p__elling! This is ma__ki__ng m__e__ very a__ngr__y! __You w__on'__t__ li__k__e __me w__hen __I'm ang__r__y!!!!!_" Suddenly, Banner's skin turned green and he grew to the size of a behemoth! He was changing into the Hulk! "_HULK SMASH!_"

Just then, the Hulk slammed his fists into the ground, causing a seismic ring to take out the entire school down to its foundations. Immediately, everyone in the school – whether they be hero, villain, or somewhere in-between – attacked the Hulk to defend their school! Well, everyone other Inspector Kelly did, that is...

Bobby Drake prepared to put the Hulk on ice, as he went frosty, sliding on his ice like a sled.

"Need to be cooled down, big guy?" he bellowed, but Hulk to one mighty fist, shattered Bobby ice-skates and sent the Iceman hurtling to the ground.

Meanwhile, Tony Stark flew up high and assaulted the monster with lasers shot from his hands.

"Are you registered?" he asked, but Hulk tore apart a water fountain and used it as a shield, then hurled it towards his attacker, knocking out Iron Man.

"Told ya so!" Doctor Strange was cheering, sticking his tongue at Bruce, who simply swatted away the minor distraction.

Quicksilver ran around the Hulk very quickly in order to create a hurricane. Hulk held his arms out so that, as he spun, he bowled over Pietro.

Pyro came up, shooting flames at the Hulk, who curtly responded, "Thank you. Hulk was cold." But, just then, Captain America threw his shimmering shield and hit Hulk in the head. "_HULK SMASH!_" Hulk grabbed Pyro and tossed him at the Cap, knocking out both of them.

"Fire at will!" Fisk and Sable simultaneously declared, putting aside their differences (sort of). What Fisk didn't realize, of course, was that Sable's men shot the Red Skull, who had been in the middle of planting grenades and preparing to set them off at the time – a plan which could have actually worked – and put him out temporarily.

"You imbecile!" Kingpin declared, grabbing Silver Sable and squeezing the consciousness out of her.

"But he was a naz- naz- i..." Hulk took this distraction as an opening and smacked the Kingpin on the back of the head.

"This'll be no problem, Bub!" Wolverine declared, slashing out at Hulk and making him angrier. Hulk slammed Wolverine into the ground.

"I am Galactus, devourer of worlds!" Galactus bellowed. "And you, you are a brute who could best me in any fight! After all, you, unlike I, are actually vulnerable, and the invulnerable bosses are always the easiest in video games! So, it must be true in reality as well!" Hulk grabbed Galactus by the leg. "_HULK SMASH!_" Then, he swung Galactus around and tossed him miles into the distance.

"Told you so!!!!!" Galactus echoed.

"Die, Green-Guy, die!" Ultron screeched when suddenly, a beeping sound was heard and Ultron looked down to see a small Post-It note on his metallic chest. Ultron picked it up and read. "'Don't forget to change batteries: Requires Double-A's.' _NOOOOOOOooooooo_ooooooo..." And on that note, Ultron's batteries died.

"This'll be a sinch!" Johnny Storm declares, flaring in. "Hey, Hulkie – remember me? You know, from _Marvel Team-Up #_Something-or-another?" Hulk punched Torch out, barely feeling the singe.

Next on the list was Peter Parker, who webbed Hulk's eyes. Hulk snatched it off, shouting "_HULK SMASH!_" and stepped on Spidey mid-swing.

"_OOF!_ Talk about between a rock and a hard place!"

"I do not care how mighty thou may be!" Thor boomed. "For thy strength can not compete with that of a god!" And on that note, he swung his hammer at Hulk, who side-stepped the attack.

Meanwhile, Magneto was preparing to launch a sharp piece of metal through the Hulk's heart from behind, but then Hulk stepped aside for some reason. Magneto looked up to see a hammer flying towards him.

"_Eep!_" he shouted, dropping the shard and clutching the hammer with his magnetic fields. "Oh, wow, that's convenient. How come I never thought of before?" He turned to Thor. "You dare attack Magneto!" Then, Magneto hurtled Thor's hammer back to its owner – it does always come back – as Thor sent out a defensive lightning bolt. The two simultaneously struck each other out of the battle.

Suddenly, Kitty Pryde phased up out of the ground. "You know, Professor, I'm still waiting to finish that Danger Room stimula- OH, MAN! THE HULK! THE DANGER ROOM HAS COME ALIVE!!!!!!" Hulk turned to her and – "_HULK SMASH!_" – smashed her into the ground while she was solidifying, trapping Shadowcat half in the earth.

"Ah, this is boring," Mephisto declared, and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, Vision, Invisible Woman, Sabretooth, Mystique, Nova, and Carnage appeared and ran to defeat the Hulk.

"Told ya so!" Thing declared, as the Hulk jumped on the other side of the wall Ben was standing on to use it as a lever and send Thing straight into his fist.

"Oh, c'mon, Satan!" Cassidy cried out. "You're too merciful!" And then, he slashed Mephisto across the chest, knocking him out. Suddenly, Hulk came up from behind and knocked Carnage deep under the soil.

Sue Richards tried to contain the Hulk within a forcefield, but this only made him angrier. And so, with a loud "_HULK SMASH!_", the Hulk hammered at the forcefield until the Invisible Woman was exhausted.

Meanwhile, Uatu took out his cell phone and ordered a pizza from the planet Zenn-La. "Yes, I know your home was destroyed, but this is going to be a long battle and we're gonna get really hungry. I mean – yes, the lunch lady's are back from the dead, but – no, I don't have a credit card, but -" Then, the Hulk came and crushed Watcher's cell, making him burst into tears. "Incessant talking man – or thing – making Hulk angry."

"I thought that was your bad spelling!" Osborne shouted, riding his glider around and tossing pumpkin bombs. The Hulk smacked a few back as if they volleyballs and the Goblin's glider exploded, sending the Green Goblin back to earth.

Mystique and Nova, however, attempted to attack at the same time, from different directions. Predictly, Hulk jumped over their attacks and sent them on a collision course.

Punisher took his heavy artillery and shot Hulk a million times over as if he wanted Hulk to get angrier and stronger. "_HULK SMASH!_" Hulk then threw a mighty uppercut which smacked Punisher hundreds of yards away.

Just then, Victor Shade popped his head out the Hulk's chest. "Hello," he smirked as the confused Hulk threw a punch at himself. Kurt Wagner, however, forgot that Vision was intangible and teleported in the way.

"Nightcrawler!" Shade yelped as Nightcrawler fell to the ground, coming out of Hulk's chest and forgetting to remain intangible. In other, Hulk smashed between his fists. "_OOF!_"

Just then, Hank Pym came along, enormous. "I heard of your problems and -" Then, he saw home many people had been defeated by the Hulk and changed his mind. "Then again, I was only in one scene, so I feel no compellation here." He then returned from whence he came

Suddenly, Kreed came up from behind and began clawing at the Hulk's back. The Hulk slowly reached back, picked him up, examined him, and said, "Little man makes Hulk angry." Then, he dropped a whimpering Sabretooth to the earth below.

Daredevil, meanwhile, tried a few aerial acrobatic tricks, hoping to distract and calm the Hulk. Of course, just then, Mrs. Nothingtodowithmarvelcomicsinanywaywhatsoever came in a really big truck, hitting into the Hulk and angering him some more. "_HULK SMASH!__"_ he shouted as he crushed the truck, crumpled it into a heap, and threw it at Daredevil (Mrs. Nothingtodowithmarvelcomicsinanywaywhatsoever dashed out just in time, exhausted), knocking him out of the skies.

"Well," Reed said, turning to Doom. "Look's like it's just the two of us now."

"Wait a minute – we are?" Doom suddenly realized.

"Well, that was kind of all the teachers and fellow classmates minus Xavier and Inspector Kelly, so yeah."

"Um, Richards, we're not the only class in this school, you know..."

"_Shush!_" Reed whispered. "That's true, but we can't let the readers know that!"

"Ah, I see..."

"So, um, truce?"

"For now," Doom replied, "but you do realize that the deal is still on, Richards, correct?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, then, let's go kick some ugly butt!"

Reed and Doom then charged at the Hulk who grabbed them, one in each hand.

"Um, you see, Bruce," Reed said, "when I said 'ugly', um..."

"It was his idea!"

"Hey!"

"_HULK SMASH!_" Hulk banged two into each other and knocked them out.

_Oh, please,_ Xavier thought, _this is ridiculous! A school full of meta-humans and not one of them can bring down a single oversized brute? Clearly, they need more time in the Danger Room... Inspector Kelly, can you do anything?_ That last part was directed into Kelly's mind.

"ARE YOU INSANE, MISTER XAVIER???? THIS IS THE HULK, NOT A CONGRESSMAN!!!!"

_Then, I suppose it's up to me._ Xavier wheeled up to Hulk, slightly annoyed about being called "Mister" again. He was concentrating on a heavy mental attack aimed to calm the rampaging beast.

The Hulk flicked him away.

"All right, that's it! No more Professor-Nice-Guy!" Professor X shouted. Though he had lost his wheelchair, he now crawled towards the Hulk, increasing the power of the mental assault which would shortly follow.

Hulk swatted him off to the side.

"_OOF!_ IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?" The professor was now worming his way towards the Hulk, prepared for a deadly mental breakdown.

The Hulk karate-chopped his back, as Professor Xavier lost consciousness.

_Wait a minute,_ he suddenly realized, _why didn't I attack from afar? Great going, Charles..._

It seemed as if the Hulk had now beaten everyone other than Inspector Kelly, who wasn't about to fight the Hulk, anyway. But just then, Spider-Man got a second wind!

"_HULK SMASH!_"

"Do you have to always be redundant, Hulky? Y'know, this is getting elongated." On that note, Spider-Man punched down low – very low. The Hulk winced in pain, then keeled over, turning back into Bruce Banner on the way.

"Why didn't _I_ think of that?" Reed wondered.

As Bruce got up and looked around, he wondered how the others had managed to stop him.

"What did you guys do? Hit me with a nucular missile?"

"No, we... err... How do I put this?" Doom tried to find a way to explain. "Spider-Man hit you in the -"

---

Meanwhile, having recovered his wheelchair, Xavier sped after Inspector Kelly.

"Well, that was a nice day, now, wasn't it?"

"Are you kidding me, Mr. Xavier?" Kelly curtly replied. "I'm gonna flunk this school and tear apart at its foundations!" The inspector looked up at the ruins of Marvel High. "Or at least what's left of them!"

"What? We did nothing to deserve a poor grade – nothing!"

"Are you kidding me, Mr. Xavier? You kicked a student in the- the-"

"He was the Hulk, Inspector Kelly!"

"Criminal insanity is no excuse! A cheap shot is a cheap shot, Mr. Xavier," Kelly ended, turning around.

"How many times must I tell you: Do. Not. Call. Me. Mister."

Inspector Kelly turned around to continue arguing when a thought entered his head. _Perhaps I shouldn't flunk him for a cheap shot on the Hulk. After all, green's a bad color. And perhaps I should actually be a good person and call him "Professor", not "Mister". Yes, I think I'll do that. I'll leave now._

And so, as Inspector Kelly left the building (or at least what was left of it), Professor Xavier grinned. "I should do that more often."

---

Meanwhile, Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom finally retrieved their tests and returned to the Baxter Building. There, they prepared to open them.

"All right, Doom, time for you to be mine. My monkey-boy, that is."

"You make Doom laugh, Richards, for surely Doom is the smarter."

They tore their seals and began to slip out the tests, when suddenly, both were lit on fire.

"_What the hell?_" Doom hollered.

"No, _I'm_ the servant of Hell!" Reed reminded him.

The two mortal enemies ran to the window and looked out to see a flaming man fly into the distance.

"_JOHNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_"

---

Well, the roller-coaster approached its end and I hope you've enjoyed. I sure have. Though I have no plans for a sequel, if y'all like, tell me. There's nothing like peer pressure to get more out of me!


End file.
